It’d be Easier to Forgive You if You’d Apologize

For four years now, I’ve fantasized about one thing: an apology

For four years now, I’ve fantasized about one thing. More than a self-cleaning house, a live-in chef, or the abs I had in my 20s, what I really wanted was an apology. Not just one, and not just any old mea culpa. In my delusional fairy tale life, the dozens (hundreds?) of former friends and followers who called me selfish, accused me of “getting my medical information from a mixed martial arts commentator,” and told me to “stay home and die when I got COVID and not take a hospital bed from someone who’d done the right thing,” are in a room together, fighting to be the first to throw themselves at my feet.

It’s not like I’ve given this much thought or anything, but off the top of my head, here’s what that might look like:

Person I’m Still Friends With: “Jenna, I feel so awful… so stupid! I can’t believe I wouldn’t let you into my house when you flew across the country to see me — but I had no problem eating dinner with you, our faces inches apart — in that restaurant we walked into wearing our masks before immediately taking them off. It’s embarrassing, actually. Thanks for not writing me off for being gullible. I was just scared! I should have listened to you.”

Me: “Apology enthusiastically accepted.”

Person I’ll Likely Never Speak to Again: “I’m sorry I made a big show of unfriending you — even sending you a direct message explaining that I had to do it for my own ‘mental health’ — and then proceeded to spy on your stories from my husband’s phone every night anyway. That was super petty. I hope you can forgive me.”

Me: “Forgive? Sure. Forget? Never. But I wish you and your mental health all the best.”

Person I Miss a Lot: “Remember back when you were posting about COVID treatments like ivermectin and warning people about the vaccines, and that one Karan would leave nasty comments all over your Facebook feed? I’m sorry for coming to your page just to like those posts and never having the cojones to comment myself. That was passive-aggressive and disrespectful. The truth is, I admired your conviction, and I envied the fact that you weren’t afraid to speak out about something you believed in. Oh, and that you were 100% right about.”

Me: “Water under the bridge. Also, can you say that last part again?”

Person I Wouldn’t Forgive If She Literally Begged: “Wow, Jenna. I don’t even know where to start. To think that I spent 44 consecutive months trying to convince you that the media was honorable and trustworthy, and that you just weren’t smart enough to blindly trust them! I called you a granny-killer in my weekly misinformation webinar. I actually referred to your relentless dedication to exposing the COVID scam as ‘a bee in your bonnet.’ [*cringes*] I don’t blame you if you can’t forgive me, but I sure hope you can.”

Me: “Actually, I cannot. Thanks for not blaming me!” (What? I’m only human.)

As I wait patiently for these scenarios to play out in my real life, imagine my excitement seeing this headline:

FLCCC Doctors Receive Public Apology from Accuser

Ms. Neitzel, who skyrocketed to media fame after accusing Aaron Rodgers of being a misinformation-spreader, is often referred to as a “physician-researcher” and a “recent programming camp med school grad,” although it turns out she may in fact not be a doctor at all (whoops!). Nevertheless, she also dutifully writes the ironically titled MisinformationKills Substack, where she likes to attack actual physicians who aren’t brainwashed by calling them frauds, grifters, anti-vaxxers, and pandemic profiteers. (Hahahahaha perhaps the mock doc is unaware of the tens of billions raked in by the Pharma lobby she’s out there shilling for?)

Ms. Neitzel is the dutiful, propaganda-parroting sort who is still sharing pieces with titles like “Vaccines Save Lives” (subtitle: “It’s not a debate”) that include paragraphs like these:

In Ms. Neitzel’s defense, she didn’t write that particular piece. (That ignominy goes to former news anchor Dan Rather and author Elliot Kirschner.) Still, she proudly posted it. And while every word in that copy block makes me want to unleash a King Kong-sized can of angry fire ants in the possibly-pretend-doctor’s underpants drawer, one sentence in particular deserves dishonorable mention: “Vaccines are also incredibly safe, especially when compared to all the other things people put into their bodies [emphasis mine].”

So that’s where we’re setting the bar now? “I mean, sure, these shots have injured or killed hundreds of thousands of people. But you guys eat Twinkies and Skittles and Stove Top Stuffing (you know that stuff’s banned around the world, right?), you’re lining up to poke your portly selves with Ozempic despite reports of stomach paralysis and vomiting to the point of total tooth loss, and 82 million of you are vaping, so, you know, don’t go pointing any fingers at us. Relative to Roundup, for example, we’re like a salad at a pizza party!”

I naively assumed when I saw the FLCCC headline that Ms. Neitzel had recognized the many, countless, egregious errors of her embarrassing ways and was ready to eat a steaming bowl of crow. I couldn’t wait to read what she had to say.

I saw The Go-Gos in concert a few years ago and that was an epic let-down. This heartfelt half-assed expression of sincere forced remorse was even worse:

Is it just me or is this the equivalent of the reluctant sorry you’d mutter when your mom twisted your ear and hissed, “You apologize to your sister right this minute or you’re not going to Kylie Kimball’s birthday party”? If this beg-pardon were a password, it would be p-a-s-s-w-o-r-d. To say I was disappointed would be like pointing out that Anthony Fauci belongs behind bars.

Ms. Neitzel’s non-apology is frustratingly reminiscent of the FDA’s deafeningly quiet (and also forced) removal of their deadly anti-ivermectin posts from social media after settling a lawsuit brought against them. The FDA said in an email to CNN that it had “chosen to resolve this lawsuit rather than continuing to litigate over statements that are between two and nearly four years old.” The agency added that it has “not admitted any violation of law or any wrongdoing, disagrees with the plaintiffs’ allegation that the agency exceeded its authority in issuing the statements challenged in the lawsuit, and stands by its authority to communicate with the public regarding the products it regulates.”

#SorryNotSorry #TheyMadeUsDoIt

While the FDA will never actually admit culpability for the carnage they caused (just like those in-my-dreams confessions will likely never happen), plenty of former Pharma-pushers have grown a proverbial pair and issued earnest public apologies. One of my very favorites was by Dr. Annette Bosworth. In late February, the popular YouTuber (an actual physician who goes by “Dr. Boz”) went live with a video boldly titled “The biggest crime in the history of medicine,” in which she painstakingly details the brilliant (and now-retracted) paper, “COVID-19 mRNA Vaccines: Lessons Learned from the Registrational Trials and Global Vaccination Campaign.”

“I have been putting this off,” Dr. Boz begins. “I have been wrong. I’ve seen lots of you out there and I have personal friends who’ve been telling me I was wrong. And I would much rather avoid this conversation and not do this at all… but you were right.” It’s an hour-long impassioned making-of-amends that’s worth every minute of your viewing time (and not just for the smug sense of satisfaction it’ll give you to finally, blissfully, hear those words). The courageous Dr. Boz even doubled down and published a second video acknowledging the retraction — and vehemently defending the paper and its rock-solid findings.

Dr. Boz, you’re forgiven.

There’s a saying, “It take a strong person to apologize, and an even stronger person to forgive.” I’m willing to try my hardest, but more real apologies — and some actual consequences for wrong actions — are going to have to happen first.